Friday, March 18, 2011


Mom:  "Noah, did you go to the bathroom?"
Tyler:  "Yeah, he did.  I listened."

Emma:  "Mom, did you like my prayer?"
Mom:  "I did.  Thank you."
Emma:  "There was a little love in it."

Tyler:  "Noah, you should get a Mohawk!"
Noah: "Yeah!  A Mohawk!  Yeah! .... (excited fist pump)'s a mohawk?"
Noah:  "Is a mohawk when you put a hawk on your head?"

Emma:  "Mom, you smell good.  I smell like macaroni and cheese....(shrugs)... I didn't take a shower today."

Going out for ice cream:
Tyler:  "Hey, there's Firestone!  Isn't Firestone an ice cream place?"
Dad:  "No, Tyler.  That's Coldstone."

Noah:  "I want Baskin Robbins!"
Mom:  "Finish your lunch first.  You might not have any room left after you eat."
Noah: "I always save a spot for treats ... its right up at the top."

Monday, March 14, 2011


Yesterday afternoon we had the "sex talk" with Tyler.  I was completely worried about it and Chance was completely calm.  Chance did most of the talking - in fact I left the room for the first part so they could talk ... man to man about  .... uh ... man things.  Tyler was visibly uncomfortable at times, but I think it went really well.  I am relieved that he truly seemed in the dark about the whole thing and I don't think he believes he'll ever actually want to engage in sex.  I'm so happy he was clueless!  YAY!  You never really know what is happening with kids when they're on the bus or playing when the adults aren't around. 

I won't share much about the conversation except to say that I was really grateful that Tyler has a spiritual foundation that we could lean on to explain choices and consequences, morality and standards.  It became a teaching moment on more than one level and I felt the calm assurance of the Spirit guiding us along.  Although I worried,  it was surprisingly easy to talk about.  

But even though it was a serious conversation, Chance and I struggled not to laugh when he said the following things:

"...uh...I don't think I need to know about this...."

"My friends and I don't talk about this stuff!  We talk about Pokemon!"

" guys are doing this all the time?"

and then when it was over:
"Can I play my DS?  I need to do something to get my mind off this stuff..."

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Diamond Rings & Other Things

Browsing at the jewelry store:

Mom:  "You're going to have to buy a ring like one of these someday.  You know, when you get married."
Tyler:  "What?!  One of these expensive ones?  What about one of those kind over there?"
Mom:  "No, she's going to want one of these ones - the kind with diamonds."
Tyler:  *sigh* "OK, which one is the cheapest?"

Noah to Uncle Mark:  "Look!  I pulled out my tooth and you didn't even have to punch me in the face!"

Noah woke early last Saturday and found Uncle Mark downstairs.  Noah walked up to him, got inches from his face and whispered:  "What's for breakfast?"

Emma:  "My foot is fizzy!"
Mom:  "Fizzy?"
Emma:  "Yes!  I need to hop on my foot to make it stop!  Its all fizzy and then it starts to freeze and get frozen!"
Mom:  "Why is it fizzy?"
Emma:  "Because I wore my socks for too long ... And because my foot is growing bigger!  I have to make it stop before my foot grows too big!"

Emma:  "Pterodactyls are very expensive.  If you get close to one and get on it, it will give you a crazy ride!"
Mom:  "What does expensive mean?"
Emma:  "I don't know." (Hand on her head)  "I'll talk about it tomorrow."

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Wrestling is Stupid

I know that last post was lame.  I know, OK?  I realized where all my missing blog posts have gone.  Every night as I go off to sleep I think over everything that is going on around here and compose posts in my mind. But, I can't drag myself out of my awesome bed to actually blog.  My bed really is THAT amazing.  But tonight (lucky you!) I'm posting. 

I can't sleep.  Someone is snoring in my bed.

During the first six months of my marriage, I rarely slept.  I don't know how I got through it. It's a blur, kind of like when a newborn baby arrives.  Sleep comes in small bursts - you grab it whenever and wherever you can.  Chance was a very loud sleeper.  Crazy loud.  It was impossible to sleep next to that kind of noise.  And it's a truth universally accepted that people who snore, fall asleep first.  We were living in a strange basement apartment in Northgate and the kitchen was the only place I could escape.  For months, I slept night after night on a hard wooden chair with my head resting on our table.  Seriously.  Sometimes I would switch it up and drag our old velvety (non-reclining) chairs into the kitchen to sleep on.  If you've ever been to my house, you've seen them.  Here are some pictures:

This picture was taken on January 2, 2003. I have a really good memory for things like that.  You see the red chair on the right?  That was one of my beds.  I slept there.  That white couch was the first couch Chance and I bought together.  And that table ... I miss it.  We lost it in a flood in MN.  And wasn't Tyler adorable?  He's almost 10 now and I don't call him "adorable" much anymore because he rolls his eyes and stops talking to me.   

And here is one of Emma sitting in it, just because it made me laugh. She was about one and didn't have any real hair yet.  I love that face!

And just so no one can say I play favorites, here are a couple of Noah with one of the chairs.  It turns out I don't have a good picture of the chairs, but they do appear in almost all our birthday party pictures, so that's cool.  I'm always saying we need our own family traditions.  What's better than birthday chairs?  These pictures were taken on September 9, 2006.  It was Noah's 3rd birthday.  I bought him that chef outfit, a bunch of wooden food toys and a play kitchen.  Chance didn't think a kitchen was a very manly gift for his son and gave him some super heroes or something.  It turns out he was probably right because I think the boys spent most of their time jumping off it like Superman. In less than six months the kitchen was demolished and in the trash.  So, it was one of those rare times when Chance was right and I was wrong. 

ANYWAY......... back to me.  After about six months of sleeping at the kitchen table and on the red chairs, my body finally found a way to tune out Chance and sleep.  Kind of.  Mostly.  But he'll tell you I just hit him every night until he rolled over. And then in July of '09, after 11 years of torture, Chance had his tonsils removed and his deviated septum repaired. Translation:  the doctor fixed his nose and removed everything in his throat that could make noise. It was a whole new world of sleep! I had forgotten that kind of sleep.  It was glorious!  And I've been enjoying it for almost 2 years. Then.... tonight Chance was wrestling the kids.  In all the fun, Tyler's heel somehow made contact with Chance's nose.  Wrestling is stupid.  That deviated septum?  Yeah, it might need to be repaired again.  And it will be another 11 years before we can afford that surgery again.

So, I can't sleep.  Someone is snoring in my bed.

"Fatigue is the best pillow." ~Benjamin Franklin

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." ~Leo J. Burke

"O bed! O bed! delicious bed!  That heaven upon earth to the weary head."
~Thomas Hood, British Poet
From Miss Kilmansegg - Her Dream

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

How I Make My Children Miserable

Noah this morning:
"Mom, I don't like it when I have to come in your room to find socks. I like it better when they are folded in my drawer."

I hate laundry.  It's the bane of my existence.  I don't mind washing, but the folding and putting it away drive me mad.  There are so many other things I'd rather be doing.  If you went to the same laundry school that I did, then most of the time there is a basket full of unmatched socks for everyone to dig through.  I keep our sock basket in my bedroom because no guests are allowed in there.  There are times when the socks are all sorted and put away in the right drawers - but it is rare.  I'm not a perfect housekeeper/cook/laundryman/mom/wife.  But I tell myself that being a good mother is about more than socks and vacuuming.  It's about discipline!  OK, not really.  Its mostly driving to soccer practice, finding missing things, forcing vegetables and lots of hugging. 

And so the only good thing about laundry is that it makes my children miserable.  It's the easiest form of discipline in my house.  Laundry is powerful!  When the kids misbehave they get to be my  *special* laundry helpers.  It kills two birds with one stone. I am happy and they are miserable.  I go read a book and they fold the towels.  So I have good reasons for my lame housekeeping skills.  I've got to have a bunch of laundry around for misbehaving kids. Its important to their development.  I'm trying to raise happy, responsible adults who have a good work ethic and all that.  And what better way to do that than to have them do my work for me?

"A clean house is the sign of a boring person."
~Author Unknown

"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance."
~Author Unknown

"If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with: 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies.'"
~Phyllis Diller